Before Parker was born, I envisioned motherhood to look like me wearing yoga pants and a Lorna Jane tank, while playing Mozart to my boy as we sipped on organic kale and orange smoothies. You know, our days filled with daises, slow mornings and endless cuddles. I must have watched one too many Disney movies as this was so far from reality!
The beginning of my journey to motherhood was harder than expected. It started out with me becoming some sort of a non stop feeding machine that was open whenever for as long as ever. Then there was witching hour (or hours) no one had ever mentioned the fact that as soon as 5pm hit, your baby turns into some sort of crazy character from the Exorcist. I also thought that babies slept through at some stage (still waiting for this amazing stage). Then teeth hit (pretty sure babies should just be born with teeth – as wrong as that would look). So, I told myself that once Parker was a toddler, he would be independent, more content and I would finally be able to shower in peace while he happily watched cartoons.
However, I have now realised that toddlers are more like tiny dictators than innocent little cherubs. They have a way with their words or lack thereof and more importantly looks and actions. It’s these actions and words that make us give in and obey, just to be able to finish our meals, enjoy our coffee or jump in the shower.
My day at home with my Parker is a little like a mouse on a running wheel. A run with no end in sight. He still wakes in the middle of the night, is non-stop all day, craving every ounce of my attention and wanting to help with everything, sah cute (until washing the dishes takes an hour and requires both of you needing to change).
Motherhood is definitely not how I envisioned it. For some reason I had a rather delusional view of exactly how motherhood would look and how I would cope. However, I wouldn’t change it for the world. There are days when it seems overwhelming but there are also days when I feel so content. The good always seems to outweighs the bad and hey, once they are in bed and you are watching them sleep, they suddenly become angels that could do no wrong.
So, in between the never ending mounds of laundry, dictating tantrums and meal scoffing, there are also sweet little hugs, cute conversations, quiet moments and pure love. And hey, I want to do it all again, so either I am bat shit crazy or motherhood is worth it (it’s the later by the way).